Profound thoughts...

I realised that I do have some kind of a weird problem.

When I'm really busy and caught up with stuff, I no
longer have the ability to discern how I feel or how
I'd react and respond to certain circumstances and
situation.

It's almost as if I'm not in touch with my inner self.

I don't really know Esther all that well.

Do you?

I think I need to getaway.
I hate making hard decisions.
Why does it have to be this way or the other?

Just leave me alone.

Maybe I'm just tired of thinking.
Striving, and fighting.

I honestly think I'm drifting further and further
away. It's not helping me to be a better person.

Sometimes, i realise that I do sweep things under
the rug. It's not that I don't wanna deal with it.
But , it's too tough to find a solution.
It's not that I don't wanna care.
I'm fed up of trying to fix things.

I'm not the Esther who always have to get to the
bottom of things and find out the real deal anymore.
I'm getting used to just being and just becoming.
No explanations, no confrontations, no trashing out.
Let people be what and who they wanna be.
Don't wanna go figure why or how or when.

Somehow, even I don't know what I want or how I
feel. Even if you ask me, I wouldn't know what to say.

Is it real? Was it there? Was it ever there?
Is this now a replacement of whatever happened?
Do I feel like this just as a reaction to THAT?

Numb. on the inside. Like I don't know whether
my feelings are for real. Or am I just lonely?
This is so pathetic. I don't wanna be pathetic.
Dont' know what is real or fake anymore.
Seem to be getting this feel a lot these couple
of months. I think I really am turning desperate.

Wanna bend some rules now. Don't you think
it's tiring to keep up and try to be nice and
follow everything people ask you to do?
or doing everything within boundaries and limits?
So boring...

well,if you happen to know where to find me or
where I've gone...
Please... Let me know..

"I wish I was the doctor and someone else was the rep"

"I wish I was the doctor
and someone else was the rep"

Doesn't that sentence says it all?

=P

Hmm, it could the title of a very
interesting movie.

Here are some points to ponder for the day:

*If only drs knew how they make my day
when they allow me to see them

*One harsh tone could spoil my entire mood

*Rejection is hard to swallow

*If you can't handle rejection, don't opt to do
sales

*Be as thick-skinned as you can be to sell

*At the end of the day, your relationship
with people will reward you

*I know I won't do this long term

*I don't know why I didn't study medicine

*Did you know that drs lie too? They tell you
they use your product when they actually dont
just to get you out of their face. I know, I know..
Stop gawking. It was hard
for me to believe at first too!
(ps, pls don't tell any dr I said that =P)

*It's so nice to be the dr! The whole world is
waiting just to catch a few seconds with you.

*No one will shout at you or speak to you rudely
if you were the dr.(well, at least most of the time)


Point is, I just wanna know what it feels like
to be in the shoes of the dr instead of the rep.
Being a sales exec, you always feel so....
open to rejection. Like I'm ready to be kicked
out or shouted at anytime, anywhere.
I guess all sales people are that annoying huh?
I mean, if I were me, I'd kick me too =P
Won't you?

Lolz.

Sighs.

We still have to do what we do to live.
Don't we all do what we do just to survive?
Not everyone has the luxury to do what
they REALLY want to do.

Oh well, enough pondering for the day.

Wishful thinking is only wishful thinking
at the end of the day.

Oh yea,before I forget.

Have a BLESSED GOOD FRIDAY.

HE gives me more reason to live
than anything else I can ever work for. =)