Love will conquer all...

Everything seems so silent now

5 years have past

Why have i become silent?

the un-noise of it is deafening

I can't hear you

O Heart, speak louder

Beat louder

Let the rhythm take over

Consume me

Let me feel you beat again

Where does my journey lead to?

In comparison with the past

Have things really come together for the better?

Sometimes i wonder

Could it really be you?

Do we need to go thru this path?

I wonder

If i could really turn back time

would I've?

in the abscence of joy, does pain reign?

maybe it's just the emptiness

the loneliness

it is again, deafening

Wallowing in sorrow

and just contemplating

wondering when , what, how, why?

How are we going to solve this

tell me

please

It's been an amazing journey

But standing at the end of the road now

Do you still want to hold my hand?

Take vows and mean them?

Just like the day you kneeled down on one knee

Did you really mean them

when you uttered those words?

Ask yourself

Where's the meaning in all of this

if not for love

For what?

I have grown old

but my heart have not grown cold

Faith, hope and love

These I have

But have you?

Life prompts me to quit

To give up

Should i?

Will you take my hand

To go against the current?

I know it's not easy

It has never been

Think it through

Hold my heart with care, I plead

As long as we both shall live

I know something good is in store

Because I know Him

and He is love

Love will conquer all

Beautiful to Dull

Rose Petals on my window sill
Smell reminds me of you
What used to be beautiful
Has it turned dull lately?

The hurricane came
Swept me off my feet
My mind is relentless
Restlestness seeps in

Will I remain?
Will you abide?
I thought of you today
How could you say that to me?

Searching for a deeper meaning
Words spoken and thoughts thought aloud
Waves are crashing again
Can you see it?

Hope begins to wither and fade
How much longer can I hold on?
If only I let go
Will it come back to me?

Was it all in my head?
Did i think this whole thing up?
Something that felt so real
Caught in a surreal dimension

Wanted it so bad
Wanted illusions to surface
Cross out doubts and uncertainty
Let me lay here in your arms

Hold me and tell me
You'll always be here
Why must something true
and sought after
Be so hard to find?

Is happiness and fulfilment
Too hard to achieve?
Will I ever find my place
in this universe?

Wake me with a kiss
When you arrive
Please, don't be afraid to
disturb my slumber
If only you knew
How long I have waited for this moment

please...
Wake me...

Profound thoughts...

I realised that I do have some kind of a weird problem.

When I'm really busy and caught up with stuff, I no
longer have the ability to discern how I feel or how
I'd react and respond to certain circumstances and
situation.

It's almost as if I'm not in touch with my inner self.

I don't really know Esther all that well.

Do you?

I think I need to getaway.
I hate making hard decisions.
Why does it have to be this way or the other?

Just leave me alone.

Maybe I'm just tired of thinking.
Striving, and fighting.

I honestly think I'm drifting further and further
away. It's not helping me to be a better person.

Sometimes, i realise that I do sweep things under
the rug. It's not that I don't wanna deal with it.
But , it's too tough to find a solution.
It's not that I don't wanna care.
I'm fed up of trying to fix things.

I'm not the Esther who always have to get to the
bottom of things and find out the real deal anymore.
I'm getting used to just being and just becoming.
No explanations, no confrontations, no trashing out.
Let people be what and who they wanna be.
Don't wanna go figure why or how or when.

Somehow, even I don't know what I want or how I
feel. Even if you ask me, I wouldn't know what to say.

Is it real? Was it there? Was it ever there?
Is this now a replacement of whatever happened?
Do I feel like this just as a reaction to THAT?

Numb. on the inside. Like I don't know whether
my feelings are for real. Or am I just lonely?
This is so pathetic. I don't wanna be pathetic.
Dont' know what is real or fake anymore.
Seem to be getting this feel a lot these couple
of months. I think I really am turning desperate.

Wanna bend some rules now. Don't you think
it's tiring to keep up and try to be nice and
follow everything people ask you to do?
or doing everything within boundaries and limits?
So boring...

well,if you happen to know where to find me or
where I've gone...
Please... Let me know..

"I wish I was the doctor and someone else was the rep"

"I wish I was the doctor
and someone else was the rep"

Doesn't that sentence says it all?

=P

Hmm, it could the title of a very
interesting movie.

Here are some points to ponder for the day:

*If only drs knew how they make my day
when they allow me to see them

*One harsh tone could spoil my entire mood

*Rejection is hard to swallow

*If you can't handle rejection, don't opt to do
sales

*Be as thick-skinned as you can be to sell

*At the end of the day, your relationship
with people will reward you

*I know I won't do this long term

*I don't know why I didn't study medicine

*Did you know that drs lie too? They tell you
they use your product when they actually dont
just to get you out of their face. I know, I know..
Stop gawking. It was hard
for me to believe at first too!
(ps, pls don't tell any dr I said that =P)

*It's so nice to be the dr! The whole world is
waiting just to catch a few seconds with you.

*No one will shout at you or speak to you rudely
if you were the dr.(well, at least most of the time)


Point is, I just wanna know what it feels like
to be in the shoes of the dr instead of the rep.
Being a sales exec, you always feel so....
open to rejection. Like I'm ready to be kicked
out or shouted at anytime, anywhere.
I guess all sales people are that annoying huh?
I mean, if I were me, I'd kick me too =P
Won't you?

Lolz.

Sighs.

We still have to do what we do to live.
Don't we all do what we do just to survive?
Not everyone has the luxury to do what
they REALLY want to do.

Oh well, enough pondering for the day.

Wishful thinking is only wishful thinking
at the end of the day.

Oh yea,before I forget.

Have a BLESSED GOOD FRIDAY.

HE gives me more reason to live
than anything else I can ever work for. =)

Faithfulness

I said in the post before this
that He is the one who never fails me..

Things have been really challenging
since i started my new job
I like the company and the office
The thing I cherish the most
are my colleagues:)
Met such wonderful friends and people
whom I know I can rely on
Who's willing to help this poor
innocent, naive girl get use to
This Cruel and Harsh Working world =P

For a pharmaceutical company,
there are 3 different sectors
that we cover
1) The government hospitals
2) The private hospitals
3) GPs and pharmacies

Being new in this entire environment
I didn't know I was given the toughest
are to cover : The Private Hospitals

It's the end of the 1st quarter for this year.
My colleagues covering gov already hit
their target and exceeded. Eg : 148%
Us poor reps covering private hovering
around 70 to 80%.

As of today...
A blacklisted hospital under my coverage
is approved to buy 3 boxes of insulin.
That in itself is a miracle
For the whole of last year they were
strictly forbidden to purchase anything
because of their debts and unsettled payments.

A major hospital which has constantly
been purchasing 20 boxes every month
purchased 30 boxes for March.

See?

Told you He never fails me...

*Grin grin grin*

I feel like celebrating..
Awesome Thai food with my family tonight.

YUMMY!! sounds great! =)

Formula That Never Fails..

We humans spend our entire lifetime
Trying to find the RIGHT formula
For every problem
The miracle cure
For every disease
The ultimate anti-failure proven solution
To solve men's misery and take away
the sorrows of this world

And yet so often
I tend to overlook
this REVELATION that I've found
this Saviour who has come to save the world

HE IS THE ANSWER!!!

Don't really wanna sound
like a religious freak
But I don't wanna be a selfish freak either
Nor someone who won't give credit
to the Person who has saved my life

If you're looking for an answer?
A solution?
He is the ONe who never fails you..

Funny how I never learn
No matter how many times
Men fail me
I still seem to always stupidly
put my trust in them
Or hope for something better
Expect some awesome thing to happen
Yet time and again
They always , always let me down

Then there goes the routine again
I fall down
Bruise myself
Start to bleed
Shed some tears

Gosh, when will this stupidity end?

It's time to catch this revelation
and hold on to it
I'm Never gonna let go of You
Never again..

Regrettable incidences...

Don't you hate it when you make a mistake?

When you are in the blur and not in the know?

When you could've done things more skillfully?

Handled the situation much better?

Doesn't it frustrate you when people counted on you
but you let them down?

Don't you just land in remorse when you could've
but you didn't?


That's why humans naturally dislike changes.
When things seem unfamiliar, it feels so difficult
to adapt and adjust again.
Feels so tedious, the entire process of learning
from scratch again.

Just like the way we have to learn how to work
at a new job we just took.

Or like the way we have to study an entire module
to get pass an exam so we can get a degree.

Like the way we give up on one relationship and
break up, and then we have to get to know another
person from the start to have another.

Like the way we can never stop learning because
everything that we do has a learning curve, else
we'll never move up or progress.

I can't wait for things to get familiar again at work.

Can't wait for my schedule to fit in and settle down
and not be so full of suprises. Then again, what's life
without sudden surges and peaks and surprises?=P

Can't wait to find someone I'm familiar with. Someone
I can call my own.

Can't wait to get a pet. When will I? *ish* Been waiting
my whole life!

Can't wait to experience breakthroughs and miracles
in my own life.

Can't wait to breathe the air of freedom, free in my
spirit and also other physical things such as finances.

Can't wait to just BE. I want to JUST BE. I want to stop
striving. Be who I'm meant to be. Be who I'm made to be.

Don't you?

Funny how so many of us just work for the sake of making
a living. I'm tired of just working cause I need to pay off bills.
When will I get to just BE?

Ahhh.. daydreaming is SWEET! =)
Now I shall get back to work.
But Daddy holds so many more lovely suprises
in His hands.

I just can't wait! =D


*The happiest people doesn't necessarily have
the best things in life... They are the ones who
make the most out of everything that comes
their way....*

V Day

I always get so mushy and emotional
everytime I watch a love comedy or
a romance movie. Such a sucker for
movies like 'Serendipity',' As good
as it gets' and the like. Watched
'The Holiday' 3 days back. Sighs..

Isn't funny how we all get so phobic
and afraid that we'll repeat our mistakes
and be so scared to try again?
I know for a fact that i'm so much more
careful now and cautious about
relationships. It's happening all
around me. Make up, Break up.
Seems like the norm these days.
Or rather so many hearts were broken.
Makes me so upset just thinking about it.
=(

I often wonder whether I'll ever find
the right person. Seems so far off.
The idea,I mean. Finally finding
someone who's everything you've ever
prayed for and more. yea,I know I know.
HE will come someday. Maybe I'm impatient
to find out =). But I do have a feeling
it won't be anytime soon. Not for at least
another year or so.

Sighs, I should just come back down to
earth and snap out of my day dreaming.
Duty calls. So much to do, so much to
live for. I can't just let all this
wishful thinking disrupt my life =P.
All I've got to do is trust. Do my
part and wait for my gift =).

P.S Oh, by the way..................
Can I have one with blue eyes please?
Like those, really big round pretty ones?
yea, That's it. Thanks =)and oh yea,
with dimples too? Grazias!!!

Stepping into the Challenge

WORK

Work is starting to pick up.
I've finished my 1 month training
and it's time to go out into the
field. Amazingly, Daddy helped me
pass my assessment test whereby
I had NO TIME to study at all
cause I was so busy with AYA
Fest and all =).IT was all worth
it in the end.

Still so much to learn and so much
to adjust and adapt to. I know
I'd feel so much better after
getting used to the hospitals that
I need to cover and drs I've to
visit. Then, I can start to bend
here and there and be flexible.
Meet up with people whenever I can.
I'd really love to do that. =)

Am loving it at my new job. Nice office.
Good bosses and colleagues. I still
wonder how 8 of us new recruits get
along so well with each other. Later,
realised I really liked every single
one of them =). Bravo to my bosses who
did such an awesome job at selecting the
new peeps. Miss them heaps tho, those
who have gone back to their outstation
bases.

I like my boss. Paramme Hassan is his name.
A Siamese Malay guy who's really good looking.
I seriously think the people in my company
are all generally hot and fun and nice!
How awesome =). We have free soft drinks
in the office! FOC! Kickapoo is my favorite
at the moment. And we have so many hampers!
Don't know how many Famous Amos and Ferrero
Roches I've downed within the past few weeks.

Once again,I've to admit I do get
jittery and nervous and excited at the same
time thinking about the challenges that I've
to face soon. But, I can't help being so
grateful that I've Someone up there whom
I can rely and depend on. Don't you? =P

There'll be challenges ahead. Dry land,
parched and bare just like the desert.
But you shall be like a butterfly that
flies across this land and make the flowers
start to bloom and grow. It will be beautiful.



Thank You, Daddy. =) I am so grateful.
Your promise is what i'll cling on to
this year. Love You for always and ever.